September 25

My Friend Just Listed With Another Agent


My Friend Just Listed With Another Agent

It’s hard to go into any group these days and not see this post: “My {friend, neighbor, family member, etc} just listed with another agent!”

First, it always stings a little when you don’t win the business. I get it.

Second, this is a GROWTH OPPORTUNITY.

You need to stop dwelling in victim-land. Honestly, if the strongest argument you have that your friend, neighbor, or family member should have used you is your relationship – well it’s no wonder they didn’t choose you!

Check your ego and ask yourself – why didn’t they choose me?

Could it be that working with friends, neighbors or family members is not ideal? If you’ve done a few deals you know that things can go sideways, fast. Sometimes the client is the cause of problems and it’s better for them to save face with you by working with someone that isn’t close to them. Do you want your next door neighbor to be your gynecologist? Ew, probably not! Okay, that’s an extreme example – but somethings people feel naked in real estate so respect their choice to keep their business private.

Could it be that you are brand new and while your friend, neighbor or family member loves you – they want someone with more experience? The experience hurdle is tough because it’s true. With the people closest to you – it’s hard to fake it ‘til you make it. So, chill out if they go with someone else and be supportive of their decision. Then, go to the office and LEARN. Read a real estate book. Listen to a real estate podcast. Attend your office meetings. Go to agent/broker tours. Shadow an agent in your office. ABSORB ALL THE THINGS. Next time, you’ll have the experience!

Could it be that the perception of your friend, neighbor or family member is that you’re not responsible or professional? Perception is reality, right? So, here’s an example of how you might be sabotaging yourself:

  • Complaining about clients.
  • Complaining about not having enough business.
  • Complaining about your broker or agents in your office.
  • Complaining about anything.


This is a tough business and complaints are real.

But, for people that aren’t IN the business, they just don’t get it. Plus, complaining isn’t exactly productive unless you’re working toward a solution. Complaints also belong in victim-land. And you don’t want your friends, family or neighbors to think you’re a victim! You want to portray a persona of confident success.

You can turn the tables to your favor. Find a peer group. Look for some agents that have similar aspirations to you and meet regularly. Look for solutions in your complaints. For example:

  • Complaining about clients = My client is upset about XYZ, how could I have prevented that?
  • Complaining about not having enough business = Brainstorming to get new business.
  • Complaining about your broker or agents in your office = Seeking a broker or office that has a vision that aligns with yours. Be open to learning from observing others.
  • Complaining about anything = Spin the table to the positive and how is that complaint going to further you in your career.


Finally, it’s not cool to tie your relationship to your business.

Not. Cool. If you put your relationships FIRST, then it won’t hurt if/when they choose to do business with someone else. And, you might even make a policy for yourself that you don’t want to work with friends/family. Refer that business out to an agent in your office that you respect. Because, sometimes your friend, neighbor or family, just isn’t worth the headache.



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